So what if you can't put your cell phone down for five fucking seconds???

I know your call is very important and I know you have to use the bathroom. But for God's sake, can you please not mix the two??? Especially in an office environment?

A) I don't want to hear your conversation while I am... Ahem... well, you know.
B) The person on the phone doesn't want to hear the toilet-flushing action in the background.
C) Can't you just fucking go outside or something???

Are you looking for privacy??? You aren't going to get it at 10:30 am when everyone's coffee has gone through their system. It's a high traffic time of day, you know. Definitely not the best place to be calling your health insurance company talking about your father's HMO policy. WTF?!?!?!?!

Get of the phone for two seconds, bitch!!!

So what if the first photo didn't turn out well.

I do NOT want to take FOUR fucking more. Sure, maybe in the first one you blinked...it's common. And maybe for the second one, you made a silly face but really wound up looking like a half-brained gorilla...understandable. And maaaaaybe for the third one, you failed miserably at covering up whatever area of your body you feel is fat...but for the love of my sanity and flash batteries, please please pluheeeease don't ask for a fourth one.

Most likely, no one else will think your face looks like an epileptic hyena when you fake-smile. So that's the one i'm using, get over it. Now move out of my way, I have three more people trying to get my attention for five photos each.

Click.

So what if you don't know how to do your job

That's why you should've taken notes when I was training you. Now I'm in my new job and can't spend all day holding your hand, after I spent ALL LAST WEEK going over how to do everything. Remember when I said, "Hey, maybe you should write all this down so you won't forget," and your cocky response was, "Just give me two more times and I'll have it down." Well, asshole, now it's been a hundred times and you're still asking me.

I don't care if you have a fancy bachelor's degree from an overpriced design school (thanks to your rich parents) and I don't care how much your car costs (or how much your car insurance costs, for that matter). I do care about my job and you should care about doing yours correctly.

Because if you get fired, I am fucked. Getting to work late on your second day is not a good start.

Get your shit together!!!

So what if you kissed a girl

You know what, good for you Kate. I'm proud that, unlike peaches, you decided to flaunt your wild side by telling us all about the time you kissed a girl, and you liked it. It was really a very wise decision on your part. Especially considering how you look exactly like her. Not being a total bitch about how you love the pussy, even tho you love the cock was a smart move, I can assure you of that.

Still, If I had to choose between your buttery good-girl-turned-lesbo-tramp-on-a-saturday-night-from-drinking-too-much and peaches go-fuck-yourself attitude, the bitch would be tops on my list of black haired songbird girlies i'd wanna make out with.

Unless youre actually Zoey Deschanel's alter ego, get off the radar.

If you are Zoey Deschanel's alter ego, then good job at being a total failure to your reputation.

So what if your wife controls your wallet?

So what if she said that you spent too much money on that long sleeve shirt and that you look ridiculous in it? It is not my job to call your wife to get permission on what you're aloud to wear. Next time you shop here, bring her in, so I don't have to pick out anything for you to wear and you can just get pussy whipped by her. I only get paid to pick out clothes for bro's like you everyday.

I think you should deal with the situation whereupon you as a male has his balls being undeniably at the mercy of his high-maintenance wife & answers to her every beck and call. Watch out this is usually followed by the re-prioritizing of wife over friends, family, work, food, water, and air.

P.S. Your butt does not look cute in those jeans.

Hit the gym fatass

So what if there are contributors on your blog?

What difference does it make if they don't contribute? Are they scared? are they shy? they seemed to have plenty of bite and were ready to jump on the wagon, but what happened to the dogs who bark? Don't get me wrong, I'd rather hang out with friends who actually speak with substance than with friends that do nothing but complain about all the little things that are going wrong in their lives; and, believe me, there is always some little thing wrong in their life. But still, friends with substance should have something to say. And they usually do; or they don't get an invite.

ug.

I love you, but get a move on bitches.

So What if I'm 10 minutes late to work?

Sure, sometimes I show up late, sure, sometimes I'm half asleep in the morning. But that is no reason to call me out to the entire office and call me a slacker. Stop me if I'm lying here, but im pretty sure I'm the one who never takes a lunch, I'm the one who's here till the last person leaves, I'm the one that deals with customer issues and complaints.

On that note, yes I'm going to be leaving early tommorow. No, I dont care if someone else's client needs something shipped out to them ASAP. I dont get commission off their purchases, so guess what? I dont care.

Give me my bonus, maybe then i'll be more willing to give up my life to this hell-hole. Till then, fuck you.

Shut the fuck up, take it.