Friday, August 22, 2008

So what if you go out of your way for someone?


Nice gestures don't always pay off. It's not like you'll ever be reimbursed for your trouble that they put you through. A simple "thank you" sometimes would suffice, but they act like spoiled brats and you're supposed to do these things for them. The only way you get through it is coming to to the realization that they are obnoxious, arrogant, self centered, dumbasses who are going to go no where in life because of the choices they have made. You can always sink to their level and tell their significant other that you slept with them, but you know that will solve nothing in the end. Even though having sex with that significant other really was really a warning sign in itself because the only real pleasure you ever got came from making fun of it later with your friends. Instead you live your days knowing that someday someone will do something nice for you, even though it might not be the same.

To those obnoxious, arrogant, self centered dumbasses I say this: You know how when you're walking past a group of people, you hear them laughing and you sometimes get that paranoid self-conscious feeling? Maybe they're laughing about you when they're really not? Well, in your case, they really are.

You're a little engine that couldn't hold it's load.

So what if you're sicker than shit.


So what if you're sick. Its friday and you come in because you feel bad that you're missing work and you get here and your stupid employer is convinced that you don't work so he pulls you aside and says:
"do you see a pattern?"

And of course you see a pattern, because they've taken the courtesy of highlighting the pattern out for you.
So when they point out that in one year, you've been out 4 mondays and 5 fridays you take it.
When they highlight that you dont ask for any of these in advance you keep your mouth shut even though you know
  • one friday was your birthday, and it was requested two weeks early
  • One monday/friday combination was taken before you were asked to leave the country for 3 months on end and you only had three days to plan it, two of which you took off.
  • Another monday was upon your return
So you know that they are just looking for an excuse. And thats why, when the company's payroll girl, the girl you know was the one who started this shit sais "oh, youre staying here?" in a tone of mock corcern. You snap.

You snap and you tell her yes, I'm staying here because apparently I'm not allowed to be sick on mondays or fridays and since it isnt tuesday through thurs, and i dont feel like being reprimanded next week for nothing, then Im staying. If you get sick, then deal with it, If the pregnant girl from purchasing gets sick, then its not my problem.

and she'll just stand there, looking at you like she never expected or supposed such a thing could happen, like someone could answer back to her. She tells you not to shoot the messenger, which pisses you off to no end, because you know she isnt the messenger, but the instigator. So you simply, calmly and sharply ask her
"Who do I shoot instead?"

Do unto others, ya dumb arrogant bitch and welcome to my game.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

So what if you can't sing?


If I had a dollar for every time I had to hear "That Olympics opening ceremony was really something, eh??" I could buy the Empire State Building. Sure, maybe it was amazing but I was too busy living my life to stare at the TV. Sure, maybe the Chinese kicked major ass with their fake fireworks display. And don't forget those adorable children acrobats who've been forced to perform at gunpoint since they were in the womb.

But seriously, they went all Milli Vanilli up in this piece? In a nation of over a million people, they couldn't find a girl who was both adorable and had perfect pitch to sing the national anthem? Way to scar your children for life, China.

Good job.

Monday, August 11, 2008

So What if You Work Your Pretty Little Ass Off?


It doesnt really make much of a difference since you're not going to be rewarded for your hard work. Lets face it:
  • You will never get a raise
  • You will never advance in the company
  • You can't even be sure that your company will still be around in a year
  • Your bosses will not realize that you do 95% of their work
  • Your efforts will continue to go thankless
So go ahead an work 40+ hours. Go ahead and skip a lunch break cuz there's so much to do. Go ahead and assume the responsibility of everyone else because you feel bad for your unserviced client. Go ahead and forfeit on an education because you can't take the time out to go class.

God forbid you're ever late though. God forbid you ever need to leave 20 minutes early. With so many budget cuts, you're too scared to ask anyways.

And you're still gonna be late on the rent. You're still gonna be eating ramen or whatever else you can scrape up for a month or so, you'll never take a vacation and youre never getting new pants.

Tough Luck, I guess.

Friday, August 8, 2008

So what if you can't put your cell phone down for five fucking seconds???


I know your call is very important and I know you have to use the bathroom. But for God's sake, can you please not mix the two??? Especially in an office environment?

A) I don't want to hear your conversation while I am... Ahem... well, you know.
B) The person on the phone doesn't want to hear the toilet-flushing action in the background.
C) Can't you just fucking go outside or something???

Are you looking for privacy??? You aren't going to get it at 10:30 am when everyone's coffee has gone through their system. It's a high traffic time of day, you know. Definitely not the best place to be calling your health insurance company talking about your father's HMO policy. WTF?!?!?!?!

Get of the phone for two seconds, bitch!!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

So what if the first photo didn't turn out well.

I do NOT want to take FOUR fucking more. Sure, maybe in the first one you blinked...it's common. And maybe for the second one, you made a silly face but really wound up looking like a half-brained gorilla...understandable. And maaaaaybe for the third one, you failed miserably at covering up whatever area of your body you feel is fat...but for the love of my sanity and flash batteries, please please pluheeeease don't ask for a fourth one.

Most likely, no one else will think your face looks like an epileptic hyena when you fake-smile. So that's the one i'm using, get over it. Now move out of my way, I have three more people trying to get my attention for five photos each.

Click.

So what if you don't know how to do your job



That's why you should've taken notes when I was training you. Now I'm in my new job and can't spend all day holding your hand, after I spent ALL LAST WEEK going over how to do everything. Remember when I said, "Hey, maybe you should write all this down so you won't forget," and your cocky response was, "Just give me two more times and I'll have it down." Well, asshole, now it's been a hundred times and you're still asking me.

I don't care if you have a fancy bachelor's degree from an overpriced design school (thanks to your rich parents) and I don't care how much your car costs (or how much your car insurance costs, for that matter). I do care about my job and you should care about doing yours correctly.

Because if you get fired, I am fucked. Getting to work late on your second day is not a good start.

Get your shit together!!!

Monday, August 4, 2008

So what if you kissed a girl



You know what, good for you Kate. I'm proud that, unlike peaches, you decided to flaunt your wild side by telling us all about the time you kissed a girl, and you liked it. It was really a very wise decision on your part. Especially considering how you look exactly like her. Not being a total bitch about how you love the pussy, even tho you love the cock was a smart move, I can assure you of that.

Still, If I had to choose between your buttery good-girl-turned-lesbo-tramp-on-a-saturday-night-from-drinking-too-much and peaches go-fuck-yourself attitude, the bitch would be tops on my list of black haired songbird girlies i'd wanna make out with.

Unless youre actually Zoey Deschanel's alter ego, get off the radar.

If you are Zoey Deschanel's alter ego, then good job at being a total failure to your reputation.

So what if your wife controls your wallet?

So what if she said that you spent too much money on that long sleeve shirt and that you look ridiculous in it? It is not my job to call your wife to get permission on what you're aloud to wear. Next time you shop here, bring her in, so I don't have to pick out anything for you to wear and you can just get pussy whipped by her. I only get paid to pick out clothes for bro's like you everyday.

I think you should deal with the situation whereupon you as a male has his balls being undeniably at the mercy of his high-maintenance wife & answers to her every beck and call. Watch out this is usually followed by the re-prioritizing of wife over friends, family, work, food, water, and air.

P.S. Your butt does not look cute in those jeans.

Hit the gym fatass

Friday, August 1, 2008

So what if there are contributors on your blog?



What difference does it make if they don't contribute? Are they scared? are they shy? they seemed to have plenty of bite and were ready to jump on the wagon, but what happened to the dogs who bark? Don't get me wrong, I'd rather hang out with friends who actually speak with substance than with friends that do nothing but complain about all the little things that are going wrong in their lives; and, believe me, there is always some little thing wrong in their life. But still, friends with substance should have something to say. And they usually do; or they don't get an invite.

ug.

I love you, but get a move on bitches.